It's hard to believe it was almost 2 decades ago that Mama Said Knock you Out debuted. I remember my 6th grade class was brought to life by that album. It seemed like everybody had it and the lyrics flowed throughout the class whenever the teacher stepped away.



Every girl in my class claimed to be an "Around The Way Girl." And every boy talked about the non-existent "Boomin System" in their non-existent cars. One day a kid named Marlon came in singing a song about cereal. I remember thinking it was the coolest idea in the world to make a rap song all about cereal. I was excited, but I also felt left out They were now reciting songs that weren't played on the radio. So I finally splurged and bought the full album on tape. I think it was the first full album I ever owned. Branching my tape collection out of the world of cassingles.

I played the hell out of that tape. I'm surprised it didn't pop. One of my favorites at the time was "Eat Em Up L (Chill)". I won't lie. Part of the reason is because I changed the words in my mind to "Eat 'Em Up, Eb." (Chiiiiiiillllll) And yes, another favorite was "Milky Cereal." =)

One day my oldest brother called me and we talked about the album. Both of us loved it. The fact that there was/is 15 years between us and we both had appreciation for the same (recent, at the time) album is something that would be missed by me until a few days ago when I decided to make this entry. Then, all I did was try to express to my brother how great that song about cereal was. And try to impress him with my knowledge of the lyrics of the album.

He was fixated mainly on "Cheesy Rat Blues." Up until then I'd always fast forwarded past that song anxious to get to Side B so I could listen to "Jinglin Baby." For the longest time I thought "Jinglin Baby" was sexually suggestive. Despite the fact that it was clearly about earrings. My mind was in the gutter.

I remember Stormy's excitement as he talked about this song about a man who once had fame and riches. Who watched his life change and his friends disappear. I had no idea the song was about that until then. I hadn't even given it a chance. And Stormy's enthusiasm became contagious because as soon as we hung up I went back and re-listened to that track. To this day it's one of my favorite LL Cool J songs on my favorite LL Cool J album.

And that moment on the phone with my brother talking about MSKYO is one of my favorite HipHop memories.

Cheesy Rat Blues - LL Cool J

Eventually I'm gonna make an entry about this job (Sort of my version of a 90 days review). Until then here's a general entry about white people in social services.

I certainly don't have decades upon decades of experience within the field. And I'm sure this list is not even close to exhaustive, but so far I have identified four types of personalities of white people that work in social services and serve populations that are predominantly non-white: Wannabe Savior, Master, Doe-Eyed and "Down"

Wannabe Savior
The WS character is marked by his/her desire to have the population view him/her as the key to their salvation. They only feel pleased with themselves and the the people they serve if they are getting extreme responses of adoration and praise. Often begin their work viewing their clients as poor, pitiful people to be saved. Often are willing to sacrifice (offering their money, clothes and even their home to their clients) in the hopes that their clients will feel indebted and they will feel righteous and accomplished/fulfilled. Only to later view them as ungrateful and lazy once they have become jaded by not receiving the responses they were hoping for.

Master
Where the WS type has too much of an unhealthy emotional attachment to their clients, the Master or Massa type has no emotional connection. The Massa may have once been a WS that initially thought all the clients needed was "love," pity and acceptance from their Great White Hearts. Once it was made clear that no one wanted nor needed any of that from them they became so jaded by not receiving praise, love and adoration that they then responded by wanting to make the clients submit to their will and assimilate. This type believes (essentially) that all clients need to be reeled in/tamed/kept in line/etc. Like a corrections officer for those not behind bars.

Doe-Eyed
If there is a a way to distinguish Doe-Eyed from WS, it's essentially to say D-E has less expectations of adoration and just wants to be near those that are "less fortunate." They might feel pity as well, but it gets expressed moreso through wanting to "understand the struggle" than by wanting praise and gratitude.

"Down"
Pretty self-explanatory. There's always at least one white person in any given social services org that feels they are the coolest white person that ever breathed pseudo-revolutionary air. Sometimes can be identified by the R/B/G wristband and Matlocks (Michelle, I love that term, btw lol). Can sometimes be identified by the Little Brother playlist blasting from their iPod. Sometimes you might not notice the "Down" type until their capacity to work within communities of color is challenged (either in actuality or in their paranoid minds), this is when they will explain to you that they have dated several [insert ethnicity of color here] in addition to cataloging their friends' demographics.


Every single one of the white people I've worked with or observed can fit in at least one of these. Most fit into two.

Edit: So initially I made this f-locked. But after thinking a bit, if someone I work with stumbles upon my journal and happens to find this entry, I hope they can gain some self-reflection from it (whatever applies).
And if not, fuck 'em.

After a minor issue with MySpace (and I'm prolly gonna just delete that account) and a major issue with PayPal, I am reminded of the need to be ON IT with my online security checks.

I thought my password was pretty difficult to decipher and I try to have different passwords for different sites, but I'm thinking that's not enough.

So I'm asking y'all, what is your Internet security regimen?

I'm thinking I might start regularly changing my passwords (though that sounds tedious and obnoxious). The new series of passwords I've updated most of the sites I visit regularly are now even more intricate and (I think) harder to decipher.

Do you change them regularly? Do you have any particular firewall/security software that you would recommend? Do you avoid certain places? Tell me your secrets!

I'm really thankful that the issue with PayPal was handled smoothly, quickly (after I spoke to the third person) and efficiently. But I'm really not trynna have anymore scares.

In working through my MJ grief I decided to revive the text quiz with all of them dedicated to his music. Should be fun times.

Eb: Can it be I stayed away too long? Did I leave your mind when I was gone?

(Non-responding) Losers First
Dani
Steph
J

Thanks for playing?
Linda: NOW you wanna do this again. It better be MJ. Clearly a song I don't know. lol [Shameful lol]

James: 2 dollars means a snack to me but it means a big deal to you... [more shameful]

Justin: *shrug*
Eb: Sucker
Justin: Sorry. Too much jonas bros.
Eb: Sad muthafuckin times!!!

Honorable Mention
Mike Mike: cold piece of work. im wavin' the white flag on this one. i know it's Jackson 5.. lost beyond that tho..[I'm still laughin at "cold piece of work" lol]

One point
Mars: Something something... I'll be there...
Mars: Just looked it up. Right artist but wrong song.
Eb:Continuas perder.
Mars: Pero debes darme un poco de credito por haberte respondido.
Eb: Te dare uno punto [forgive my lack of accentos]
Mars: Tu generosidad no tiene limite. :-p
Eb: 'De acuerdo! Lol

Winners
Timothy: Hmmm...didn't think you'd take it back to j5 but ok.....it's not my thing trying to get back. But this time let me tell you where I'm at.

Marichan its not my thing trying to get back/ but this time let me tell you where I'm at [after much chaos ensued lol]

Portia: Wow it's only one of my fave songs by j five. "its not my thing trying to get back, this time let me tell you where I'm at...:-(" [word]

Tari: Its not my thing trying 2 get back....but this time lemme tell u where I'm at! Awwww MJ :-( [double word]



Go 'head, Mike...

Y'all better not sit there and act like you didn't get my damn text.

A while back I got into a conversation with Icy Boo about Attachment Theory. Then more recently it came up again in a convo with Mikey Mic. So I felt compelled to make an entry on it.

I'll cut this for people not interested in psych-related geekiness. But I honestly think this is something anyone, whether they care about psych or not, can get something from. However, if you have an interest in behavioral psych, child development and child-parent bonding, you might want to at least peek beyond the cut.

( The basics of Attachment Theory )

I imagine only a handful of you will read this, which is really more than fine. It was cool just to talk about psych stuff again. I need to register for next semester now that things in my life are back to somewhat normalcy.


**That's the punchline to the psychology version of the "how many ______ does it take to change a lightbulb?" joke. I love that corny ass joke.

So I was gonna write an entry about work (and that one is still coming), but the rape scene in Weeds is trailing around my mind and I felt I had to let it out by writing about it. But I have no words. Weeds, whose head writer is a woman, wrote a rape scene in which the victim smiled and laughed. Something is swimming in my mind about the desensitization of rape and notions of abuse as acceptable, but it's not coming out.

I googled to see if anyone else on the Internets (aside from me, Roli and Dani) had a similar reaction and found this and this and a brief mention in another posting elsewhere.

I also found this. It's so sad to me that rape is a topic of debate. Going back to this shit storm the notion of rape seems to be a continued subject of "wonder and awe" for people.

Every time I go to click "post" I want to add more, but I think I am just tired (emotionally) and sad.

If you are feeling a strong desire to debate the merits of rape accusations or debate the definitions of rape or some other unworthy topic, please do us both a favor and keep that shit to yourself. I'm not feeling very kind and am liable to curse you the fuck out regardless of whether I consider you a friend. In fact, if whenever rape is discussed, your first inclination is to "protect" the interests of poor, defenseless men against potential false accusations and yadda yadda yadda, I suggest you look deeper into yourself and examine your (internalized) sexist thoughts.

I'm gonna write a complaint letter to the producers and writers of Weeds and whichever officials at Showtime.

I finally caught the second ep of the new season of Weeds a few days back.

TF is up with that pseudo-rape scene??? This show is plummeting fast.

Ummm... This song is killin me softly.




The production is sick! RIP Dilla.

Can we just highlight Mr. Kweli for a sec?
"They can't get rid of us. Ubiquitous!
And we lay the law like Leviticus.
Ten years ago we made history so they missed us."

I can't believe Mos Def and Talib Kweli are BlackStar came out ten years ago. I'm old. =/

They performed History at the concert (yes, I'm still braggin!) and I instantly knew I loved it. I ordered The Ecstatic on vinyl, which still hasn't arrived, but I have been listening to the songs on youtube and via blackfolkradio. I already know I like it. A lot. You should buy it, too!!!

Two random things about me.

1. When I dance when I'm on the way to work (or home) I mask it with the movement of the train.

2. My perception about my body is really skewed. I tend to assume I'm much bigger than I actually am (though there have been times when I assumed I was much smaller than I actually was).

I watched Delirious for the first time yesterday. It was spectacularly wack and shitty. If there was a comedy cliche bingo, I would've won about three different ways.

"My parents were strict"
"White parents are lenient. Black parents are strict."
"White people sounds like this."
"I can fuck!"
"Don't look at my butt, gay people!"

ETA: I'm going to keep up what I originally wrote because to delete it would feel like punking out to me. But for the record, I totally understand and accept that these were not cliches yet. That was my error. I do know that Murhpy (well moreso Pryor, but Murphy to some extent, too) was a pioneer.
I still think it was corny and massively offensive despite that.

How do you start the show with homophobia while bragging about your ass?? Now I see why everyone thinks he's closeted. Painfully wack and offensive. I was shocked to hear his use of the f word, frequent use. That kinda messed me up.And the way he discussed AIDS was just stupid. Massive fail.

And this is like his most celebrated stand up show?

So I figured I'd try to have a frank, open, MATURE *ahem!* discussion about masturbation. Specifically (more on) why I wanted to do this "experiment" and some religious aspects that I happened upon on the internets.

Masturbation, like all over things related to sex, was just not spoken about in my home. I began exploring it when I found my sister's boyfriend's (who lived with us for a while) videos and magazines. Whenever I was left alone (which was pretty rare, my parents were over protective for most of my youth) I'd sneak away and find the tapes and explore myself.

I remember one time I messed with the magazines when everyone was home. No idea why I did something that foolish. I was asking to get caught. And maybe I did want to get caught. Because I recall both lamenting and longing for "the talk" that never came. My parents never discussed sex with me. The closest I came to a sex talk was my mother saying "if you get pregnant, let me know" at about age 13.She circumvented talking about actual sex and after hearing that the 100th time (considering I wasn't having sex, and she never asked me if I was active) I was just annoyed and no longer wanted to discuss it with her.

So I got caught. I don't remember what I did. I think I moved them in such a way that it was clear someone had tampered with them. And it was clear that someone was me. Someone, either my sister or her boyfriend or both of them called my name. As I slowly walked to the bedroom I had all kinds of thoughts swimming around

"Is it about the magazines?? Nah, I put them back right. And how could they tell *I* moved them anyway? And why are they even in this house? I bet you she'll [my sister] be mad at him too for even having them here." I don't remember the details, but I do remember being chastised for looking at them. Part of it was painted as "respecting people's property and minding your business" and part of it was painted as "little girls don't look at this. it's nasty." So it's ok for a man to look at it and have it in the apt for a little girl to find and look at, but not ok for the little girl to look.

I got so many odd and conflicting lessons about sex in the home. The most glaring lessons were "we don't want you thinking about it" and "we don't want to talk about it."

This has prompted a lot of my thoughts and behaviors about sex and life in general. Having things hidden in plain sight from me as a kid are why I am so adamant about directness and honesty and speaking to truth. As I got older the way my family dealt with things became more and more frustration and intolerable so I became the opposite. It's why discussing sex is second nature to me. Despite that I still feel like there are plenty of things I hold close. I'm shocked when others are shocked by my directness, partly because I feel like I'm still holding back a lot. I wonder how people would react if I were to really say everything with no filter.

And I think shame is important in discussing this because I was raised to feel ashamed of sex, sexual curiosity/questions and sexual inclinations. I've shed a lot of that. I still get shocked when people my age or older cringe when I use the words penis or masturbation. And I struggle to remember that masturbation and other aspects of sexuality are shameful for others. Beyond all of this I don't want my (hypothetical) children, my daughters in particular, to have to deal with that. Or at least I want to minimize it. I can't control all they will see outside of the home, but I want to try my best to make them feel like they can talk to me about anything and ask me anything about sex (or any other subject). I don't want to catch them masturbating and make them feel ashamed or catch them "playing" with their friends and make them feel like the urges they have are unnatural. And I refuse to not educate them on something because it might make me feel uncomfortable to talk to them about it.


So... some of you may remember the "ex-hypocrite/ex-homosexual/ex-fornicator" etc shirts. Well, I stumbled across the "testimony" of an ex-masturbator. *sigh*

( Video here, and some of my thoughts )

So one thing that's been getting to me a lot lately is Selective Righteousness. Or Self-Serving Righteousness. People that get all up in arms about an issue when it's related to them, but either don't care or act counterproductive when they are not potential victims.

Por ejemplo: Black men.(lol)

One second "that shit is racist! This is so fucked up!" The next second "What do you mean that's sexist? But what about reverse sexism!!!"

Men who seem so conscious and insightful when it comes to racism and who get that the notion of "reverse racism" is bullshit seem to not be able to extend this ideology to sexism and are quick to look for that "exception to the rule" where they will be made a victim of the tyranny of women.
[That run-on is pretty fantastic.]

Ejemplo numero do': White women

The shit above in reverse. Lather, rinse, repeat.

I could go on with more ejemplos, but you get the point.

It helps me to see that you're really not getting social justice as a whole. You're merely looking through the lens to see how you can paint a picture that protects your interests.

I know. I know. Privilege 101. It ain't new. But it's working my nerves a lot lately for some reason. Do better, muthafuckas.

I'm living an ep of Fresh Prince...

"Remember I had came here and I had watch you poof the flambe?
I had liked that.
So then I came and I poofed, too... But I poofed big... And I poofed the kitchen down."

Well, not quite, but I burned a quesadilla Cylvenia brought in for me. It was good though! A lil crispy, but good.

So… I’m preparing to conduct an experiment. Purely for the sake of science.

I’m going to test KY Intense vs Durex Play Utopia. And both vs. well, nothing.
[FYI they're not lubes. Check the links]

The sacrifices I make for science. The sacrifices I make to get information out. *sigh* My humanitarian efforts are aplenty.

Poll #1392081 Predictions
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All

What will the results be?

( My prediction )

Stay tuned, folks.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lxfe8YTd6N4
Really sad at how I can't seem to embed. Anyhoo, that's that video of the kid dancing to Low Low Low (or whatever the fuck that song is called.).

I had some thoughts about this video. I mean, yeah it's cute, but it got me thinking about gender norms and the ways in which young girls become conditioned.

At first I couldn't figure out what about them was so different. Frankly, neither one of them can actually dance. Which is fine, they're little kids. But everyone is drawn to the little boy (myself included) and I could not figure out why at first. Then I realized the main difference between them is that the little boy is in his own world. He is dancing for his own benefit and going wherever the music takes him. The little girl, however, is obviously dancing for the benefit of the person behind the camera (I'm assuming her mother or other female guardian).

I don't claim to know this family and I'm not making any judgments about them and how they're raising the kids, but the behavior was so familiar to me. How quickly and easily little girls can become conditioned to seek external approval. And how much easier it is for little boys to escape that.

Before one of my ever-so-enlightened male (or female, goodness help me) flisters and/or lurkers comes along to explain to me how boys/men are aware of outside perception and are affected by it as well, let me save you the time and myself the headache. I am aware of that! Shut the fuck up.
/disclaimer

But can I talk about young girls? Can I talk about how young girls fight between dancing for themselves and being aware of how others may perceive said dancing ( too raunchy, too conservative, in the case of the girl in the video not quite stylistic enough, perhaps?, etc)? Can I talk about how this goes beyond dancing and how it permeates so many aspects of life?

The girl is clearly older than her brother/cousin/whatever. That struck me as well. She's going back and forth between looking at him so she can mimic him (probably to receive the same amount of attention that he is. and he has videos posted of just him so it's clear he's getting his fair share of attention) and looking at the camera so she can seek some sort of approval. And she's older. Older kids tend to set the standard, but this younger boy is setting the pace for her.

I dunno. I see a lot in that video. And I got really annoyed when people made comments about her "oh she was non-existent!" "she might as well be furniture!" WTF? Maybe you have to have been shy kid (or a girl) to see what I see in her.

Everytime I try to write about this I feel like there's so much more I want to say.

It's poll time again! I haven't done a poll in a good minute.

Poll #1387460 Pour out a little liquor... and your soul
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: Friends

What do you believe alcohol does to your personality?

Which of the following are you likely to do while drunk?

As always please leave comments with additional thoughts. I tend to not believe people that say alcohol changes them, so please help me understand that, if that's your perspective.

Also, if I'm texting you from a club, unless I'm complaining about how bored I am, I'm drunk. You can assume that. And I'm prolly in the bathroom.

I'm creeped out by Obama fans. There's no better way to say it than creeped out. I feel like he's becoming Justin Timberlake or something. Leader of a boyband. And you dare not make any comments remotely negative about him or remotely positive about the Backstreet Boys lest you deal with the wrath of people that have the debating tactics of tween girl fanatics.

Michelle is Britney Spears. All the comments I see about her are "Oh Em Gee! Look at her arms!" "Squee! Look at her booty!!" "The Queen of England totally grabbed her booty!" "MY president totally saluted her ass! I saw it! It's totally, like, true and stuff.... For sure."

Aside from being annoying it's objectifying. I'm tired of everyone making assumptions about their relationship and their sex life. It's obnoxious and based in superficialities. And frankly I don't give a hot shit if they have a healthy sex life. I care about how he manages this fuckin country. Fellatio be damned. So far he seems to be doing a decent job. Some things I question (you make all these declarations about ethics then overturn your own new initiatives before the ink dries on the shit) some things seem fair enough (the stimulus plan, pending tax cuts).

Instead of the issues there's big discussion of, again, Michelle's ass. And more recently the Queen's alleged touching of it. WHY do we care??!!?!!! I can't type enough exclamation points to express how frustrating it is to watch people salivate over the details of the Obamas interactions with the Royals. So. The. Fuck. WHAT? Will Queen Elizabeth's touching of Michelle in public lead to free healthcare? Will it reform the education system? No? Well then why the fuck does it matter? Are we still that in need of "approval" of some sort?

The way all of these matters are playing out look suspiciously like all the same political posturing conservatives do. Focusing on superficial trivialities instead of essentials, highlighting the positives, ignoring anything that seems negative, etc. The only difference I see is the added objectification and hypersexualization of her and them. I get it. You like him. You want to believe he's happy. You want to believe he's happy with her. You like her. You want her to be viewed as positive. Can you take that energy and refocus the shit though? 'Cause I'm both nauseated and insulted.

(On a slightly related note, people are trippin me out with their "retaliations" to sexism with more sexism. Sad fuckin times.)

It's funny how people got all in a tizzy when Aaron McGruder came out with his statements. No one seemed to realize they reinforced the very thing he was concerned about.

"After 9/11, I witnessed most of this country become obsessed with squashing dissent and silencing critics. I hope this election does not turn Black America towards this same, fascist mind state; but already I am starting to see it, and it saddens me greatly."
source

To respond to THAT with "Oh no he didn't! Not about MY president!" only proves his point. And I'm not Aaron's biggest fan by a long shot [/qualifying disclaimer]. Still I thought every single thing he said was the truth. And it's only getting worse. Because I am watching people that used to be so discerning and able to see all sides of an issue quickly fall victim to fanaticism. It's sad and insulting. and, yes, creepy.

*sigh* It's that time again.

I had this random thought a while back. If I were to ever have a comedy special (like Bigger and Blacker, For What It's Worth) I would call it Quiet As It's Kept. Obviously I am never gonna have one, but the thought popped in.

What would you call your comedy special?